What do YOU eat after brain surgery? part 1

So, what kind of patient was I? I like to think that I brought a beaming ray of light to the halls of 8D at UPMC; of course I did, I mean... how could I have not? Well, lets think retrospectively about my five and a half days on the floor.


I began Monday, Sept. 26, (my dad's birthday - you're welcome dad), innocently enough, "relaxing" in pre-op. It's a very fortunate notion that when the nurse anesthetist visits you and says, "try to relax", they follow that remark with an injection of pharmaceuticals. (Anyone else think they have a peculiar smell?).


Meanwhile, a volley of what I could determine were either residents or fellows continually walked by my bed; I could hear them through their eyes, "Oooo, chordoma patient, wonder if I can get in on that." Keep you're grimy hands away from my head you interlopers, (but I know they have to learn somehow). One  eventually "swaggered" over; wanting to add his name to the team of doctors for the day. I literally said, "Okay, hold on, exactly what would you be doing during the surgery?" Caught off guard he coughs out, "Oh, I'm just beginning my fellowship here, I'll be aligning the pins in your head..." I thought, 'yeah right'... "So, where did you go to med school, where did you do your residency?" I could see in his face, "cm'on kid, sign the papers, don't be such an arse" (I say 'arse' because he had a british accent, he did his residency at the Royal National Throat, Nose and Ear Hospital, England.) That sounds fancy and he's just an ENT, no brain contact... I signed away.


They began wheeling me towards the OR; I'm like, "Hey, I think I have to go to the bathroom." To which they remarked, "We'll take care of that." I was thinking, "are you sure, because I am not thinking that you and I are contemplating the same type of bathroom visit, I mean, you're wheeling me back to roto-rooter through my nose and into my skull case. It kinda feels the the proverbial poo is about to hit the fan." Smiles and all, I nodded in acceptance, I mean, it will be their problem anyway... I'll be asleep.


We get into the OR, hey there's my ENT I've never met. He introduced himself, (I already knew who he was). "Hey, how are you doing? You're going to have a good time with my nose, wide nostrils allow for extra instruments and I hear it's straight shot back..." Fade to black... (They snuck in some of those pharmaceuticals again before I was ready.)